Episodes
Wednesday Mar 24, 2010
Netflix Roulette
Wednesday Mar 24, 2010
Wednesday Mar 24, 2010
Jim here.
There is something I find frustrating. You’ve seen those Netflix commercials where the happy customers talk about how wonderful the service is, right? It’s a great idea and a decent ad campaign.
So, you ask, what is my frustration? If you look closely you will notice that the customers shown aren’t exactly long time users. In fact, the old timer of the group appears to have been there for just about a year.
One. Year.
I opened my subscription to Netflix in 2002. Just to be clear, I have been with them for 8 years and have yet to make it past first base, yet they are picking out china patterns and calling a priest for some guy who just showed up.
Now, don’t get me wrong. I love Netflix. In fact I think it might be one of the best services around. Not one of the best video services, but one of the best services PERIOD.
There is one thing that I would love to see added that, I think, would make the service better. It’s something I call “Netflix Roulette.”
“What is Netflix Roulette?” you ask.
Simply put, you give up control of one of your rentals. You don’t lose it, but if you choose, you abdicate control to the forces of fate. For example, I have a four at a time plan. Were I to adopt the “Roulette” feature I would only be able to see 3 of my rentals on the website. The fourth would only tell me if it was received or out. I would not know what movie it was until I open the red envelope.
“Why would you do that?” you ask again.
Well, as I said before, I have been a Netflix member for 8 years and am obsessive aobut adding movies to my queue. In fact I have, on two separate occasions, reached the limit of movies allowed in your queue at one time.
“There’s a LIMIT?!?!”
Yep. It’s 500.
That’s right. More than once in the past 8 years there have been more than 500 movies I have felt the need to add to my queue. How does this happen? Well, in essence you have to have a certain level of fanatic detachment. You have to be fanatic enough to want to see everything, and detached enough to add anything without thinking. View it now has exacerbated this problem significantly. But, so far as your at home queue exploding like this, there are three ways.
1) It is a movie I genuinely want to see, or see again. These are classics, new releases, hard to find, and otherwise essential films that I feel I must see for one reason or another.
2) Curiosities I add because I have heard something, or liked the poster, or the writer, or the director, or the actor. These are things that I know nothing about other than some superficial reason for possible enjoyment.
3) I got really drunk and started adding shit at random for no discernable reason and have no recollection of them being in my queue.
Now, I try to play queue roulette by only paying attention to my top 10, that way I get the occasional surprise. But, if you knew that one of your movies would be one of these totally random films that you may or may not have added in a drunken stupor, wouldn’t that add a bit of excitement to the whole affair?
This game leads to many surprises, some of them pleasant. But I’m not going to lie. For every good/great movie you get, there will be 4-5 awful/perplexing films.
My first review is for one of the latter.
Now, for each of my reviews I am going to try and include a poster or other image that I have modified to show my true feelings about the film.
That being said, my first roulette movie is…..
That’s right. “The Hammer,” starring Adam Carolla and directed by Charles “Legally Blonde 1&2” Herman-Wurmfeld found it’s way to my home. Now, I think this was a combination of 2&3. I think I was drunk and thought, “Man, you know who was occasionally funny on that radio sex show? Adam Carolla, that’s who! I’m gonna watch the hell out of this movie!”
That is the only explanation I can give.
This movie doesn’t make sense. By that I do not mean that the plot is convoluted (it’s about as straightforward as you can get), or the narrative style was over the top (it isn’t). What I mean is, this movie was a terrible comedy, and a somewhat terrible drama.
Look at the poster. You can tell what they are going for. The problem is, what they think is a funny image is actually kind of tragic and disturbing. It almost looks like someone getting sucker punched, but not in a funny, slapstick way. Therein lies the rub.
This story doesn’t work as a comedy. It is a drama with a few (very few) funny moments in it, but by no means is it a comedy.
It is the story of a former boxer turned construction worker who, after sparring with an up and comer (a younger, faster, stronger fighter that he somehow knocks out) at the gym where he teaches a beginner boxing class is offered a chance to train for a shot at the Olympic boxing team. In truth, the coach is just using him as a free left handed sparing partner for his true prodigy. From here it is a collection of the typical sports movie clichés. He doubts himself, everyone else doubts him, he meets a woman who believes in him, he believes in himself and pulls his shit together and begins to fulfill his potential.
The problems are many.
1) Carolla’s character is a total loser. Yes, he is somewhat loveable, but it is revealed that they only reason he stopped boxing was because he wanted to sit on the couch, get high, and watch cartoons. I know what they are going for, but it is not a sympathetic lead. Also, at no point does he physically look like he would last 10 seconds in the ring against the other fighters.
2) The antagonistic characters (there are two of them) seem to serve no purpose other than to make Carolla look sympathetic. It’s obvious and feels a bit forced.
3) The romance doesn’t make much sense. Carolla is set up as such a loser that when he gets this young, attractive lawyer to go out with him the audience is asked to take WAY to big a leap of faith. You know he is a nice guy, but he is basically an overgrown teenager who is jumping a bit to far into the deep end of the adult pool.
4) All the other characters feel programmed. By shoehorning comedy in the motivations for their actions feel forced and disingenuous.
Here’s my biggest problem. Had this been framed as a drama, none of these would have been issues. If he had quit because he lacked the confidence and the entire movie was about him reclaiming that, you would have empathized or sympathized with him. As a comedy, you are too often invited to laugh at him.
This movie could have been like big fan. It could have presented a comedian in a dramatic light, using sports as a way to show how a misfit tries to fit in. Instead, we get a cheap feeling cartoon that lacks the fortitude to go all out.
Hell, had they gone all out with the comedy that might have worked. The problem with the film is the same as the problem with the character, it is unwilling to commit to being something. It just sits on the couch, getting high and watching cartoons instead of using its potential.
Should you see this film? No.
Should I have reviewed it? Maybe not.
The odds were you had no intention of watching this, and I can’t even pretend to dissuade you of that. But, I promised myself I would review the next thing that came from Netflix, so here it is. Look at it this way, I saw it so you don't have to.
I should be posting something again tomorrow, hopefully it will be a bit more serious.
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