Double Negative with Chuck Dynasty and Yojimbo

James Thurber once said, "Discussion in America means dissent."
Voltaire once said, "It is dangerous to be right in matters on which the established authorities are wrong."
And Howard Zinn once said, "Dissent is the highest form of patriotism."

Here at The Film Thugs we are not just firm believers in these principles. We are not content to stand behind these rights, no... we see these rights as a responsibility, and these quotes as a challenge.

So, in the spirit of revolutionaries like Voltaire, Jefferson, Thurber, and Roosevelt we present to you...
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Double Negative with Chuck Dynasty and Yojimbo

 

Don’t call it a comeback. I been here for years.” – James Todd Smith

This time we take a look at THE comeback story of a career! After the cinematic Ambien that was Seven Saumari, Akira Kurosawa comes roaring back with the mind-meltingly fantastic Yojimbo! I acknowledge that I gave Akira an entire metric ton of shit for his last movie but is all forgiven now. This is the kind of cinematic triumph that will make you fall to your knees and thank a thousand screaming monkey gods that you were born with functioning eyes and ears! Fuck you! Fuck you and your car if you don’t love this movie!

Truck driver and bare-knuckle fighter Yojoimbo lives in California’s beautiful San Fernando Valley with an orangutan named Clyde. His only other friends in the world are Orville Boggs, and his mother played by the adorable Ruth Buzzi. Oh, I could listen your homespun comedy wisdom all day, madam!

One night, after fighting an illegal immigrant with a claw-hammer, Yojimbo meets and falls in love with aspiring country music singer Lynn Halsey-Taylor at a local honky-tonk. Their love begins to bloom like the proverbial hot house flower until she disappears one night. The last Yojimbo sees of her is her truck and camper being driven away by Cecil McKittrick, Grand Magus of The Black Widow Motorcycle Club. Believing that his love can break any bonds that bind her in bondage, Yojimbo heads to her home in Denver, Colorado.

Along the road to Denver, he has a run-in with adepts of The Black Widows, who incur Yojimbo’s wrath after two gang members insult him and Clyde outside of a Howard Johnsons. Yojimbo hunts three of them down and skins them alive. He then repaints their motorcycles before selling to them for P2P and a copy of Uncle Fester’s Secrets of Methamphetamine Manufacture. YEOOWW! In the process of taking his revenge, our hero runs afoul of a LAPD cop named Goody Putnam. He fights Goody Putnam outside of the same honky-tonk that he met his lady love. Yojimbo punches straight through the cop’s skull keeping what left of Putnam’s brain as souvenir of his victory. Putnam dies. The remaining Widows learn of Yojimbo’s trip to Colorado, resurrect Goody Putnam with a heroic dose of sacred mescaline, and head off in high speed pursuit of their powerful foe.

Orville and Clyde accompany Yojimbo to Denver, and along the way, they meet a woman and aspiring seamstress Echo who becomes Orville's regular Saturday night thing. They earn money along the way by booking fights for Yojimbo and selling Cylde’s sexual expertise with his fingers. After a fight in a slaughterhouse in Crescent Junction all but a handful die with our heroes continuing their quest and the survivors relocating 28 miles to Cisco, Utah.

Cecil and The Black Widows know that Yomjimbo will come looking for aspiring county music singer Lynn Halsey-Taylor and lure him into a trap. Yojimbo catches up with aspiring country singer Lynn Halsey-Taylor finds himself surrounded by the Widows. Yojimbo puts the boots to many of the Black Widows medium style before Orville uses a garbage truck with a dumpster hoist to dumps all the motorcycles into the back of the truck. The Widows throw ninja stars and hexes at the garbage truck but Orville is an atheist and gets away with Yojimbo, Clyde, and Echo in tow.

Just outside of an Auto Zone, Yojimbo finally finds aspiring country singer Lynn Halsy-Taylor and she reveals her true form to him. She isn’t the aspiring country singer that he fell in love with at all but is in fact Cecil McKittrick, Grand Magus of The Black Widow Motorcycle Club. Hurt by her deception, Yojimbo knocks her/him out cold and whittles a spear from nearby Ash tree until aspiring country singer come Grand Magus wakes up. He points the spear at her/his heart and laments being the one guy dumb enough to not see that she had been a dude the whole time. He tells her/him that he suspected shenanigans during love-making when he spied the small black widow tattoo next to her cock. In a truly heartbreaking line Yomjimbo states, “I should have loved ya and left ya but instead I loved ya without the leaving ya part.” Lynn erupts in a fit of rage, striking him repeatedly until he stabs him/her in the heart. Before she/he dies she/he gives him an amulet with a portrait of 17th century French faublist Jean de La Fontaine on it and then explodes. For Yojimbo, only black smoke and heartbreak remain.

Orville learns that a Hungarian named Tank Murdock lives next door to the Auto Zone is ready to retire after one more fight. Orville makes the arrangements, and Yojimbo faces his mentor that hasn’t been mentioned at all until now. During the fight, the crowd, initially pro-Murdock, begins to insult him, with some murmurs that Yojimbo is going to be the next Murdock. Yojimbo lets his guard down, intentionally giving Murdock a clear shot before smashing the enchanted Jean de La Fontaine amulet to the ground which transforms Yojimbo into a 1600 lb. grizzly bear known to the gathered Inuit locals as “La Fontaine”. Yojimbo La Fontaine mauls his opponent to death in seconds. The crowd disperses as the were-bear stomps his enemy’s remains into a pink and black goo in the Auto Zone parking lot.

Two towns over Yojimbo regains his human form and has Cylde kill another retired fighter for a chicken sandwich. Yojimbo, Clyde, Orville and Echo head for home the next day. The last shot of the movie has Zombie Goody Putnam shuffling miles behind our heroes to the sweet sounds of Eddie Rabbitt’s Every Which Way But Loose.

Does that movie sound like seven odd fucks boring people to death in Japan? Hell no! Kurosawa moved to the U.S. to find a whole sack full of red, white, and blue to kick the viewer’s ass and, on behalf of a grateful nation, I’m proud to call him one of us! His shot composition - flawless. His use of the color brown - masterful. His skillful direction of honkies ­- fabulous. The brave choice of English, over the click-clack nonsense that passes for language anywhere else, make this an American classic. Unfuck yourself and your car and see this movie! ANGEL DUUUUST!!!



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