JamesThurber once said, "Discussion in America means dissent."
Voltaire once said, "It is dangerous to be right in matters on which theestablished authorities are wrong."
And Howard Zinn once said, "Dissent is the highest form ofpatriotism."

Here at TheFilm Thugs we are not just firm believers in these principles. We are notcontent to stand behind these rights, no... we see these rights as aresponsibility, and these quotes as a challenge.

So, in thespirit of revolutionaries like Voltaire, Jefferson, Thurber, and Roosevelt wepresent to you...

Every nowand again writer-directors come bursting onto the cinematic scene fully formed.Their vision is so clear and their style so complete that they speed past theother players in the game like a rocket on roller-skates. Wes Anderson is hisgeneration’s rocket and Rushmore begs the viewer to strap on and ridethis rocket to completion.

At thecenter of the Universe, on the planet Eternia, Bill Murray's army seizes CastleGrayskull. By the next moonrise, Bill Murray plans on stealing the nowkidnapped sorceress Rosemary’s powers making him the most powerful Bill Murrayin the universe. The siege and investiture of Castle Grayskull has left itsprotector’s beaten and disillusioned with their life choices.

Only one mancan save Castle Grayskull now – the mighty warrior Rushmore! Master weaponsmith and master Scotsman, Magnus and his daughter 40 Ounce rescue Guggenheimfrom Bill Murray's forces. Guggenhiem, a magical locksmith, reveals that BillMurray has stolen his "Cosmic Key" that can open a portal to anywherein the state of California.Bill Murray's second-in-command, Seymour Cassel, copied the device to aid inthe sacking of Castle Grayskull but it proved to be useless.

WithGuggenheim's remaining Cosmic Key now safe, Rushmore and his friends travel to Burbank for lunch beforereturning to Eternia and Castle Grayskull. They attempt to free Rosemary butare no match for Bill Murray's army and are forced to flee through Guggenheim'shastily opened portal, transporting them to Costa Mesa. The Key is misplaced on theirarrival and discovered by two teenage lovers, Brian Cox and Jerry Sizemore, whoattempt to figure out what it is and accidentally send off a signal that allowsSeymour Cassel to track the key and send his henchmen, Future-man, DirkCalloway, and Mr. LittleJeans to recover it.

Brian Cox,an aspiring musician, mistakes the Key for a synthesizer and takes it to amusic store run by his friend Charlie. Mr. LittleJeans' team arrives and chasesBrian Cox until Rushmore rescues him. Mr. LittleJeans’ team returns toGrayskull where, incensed by their failure, Bill Murray kills Future-man andsends the others back to Earth, with a larger force under Seymour Cassel'scommand. Unable to find Jerry Sizemore, Brian Cox is taken to Jerry Sizemore'shouse by Adrian Vandenberg, a detective investigating the disturbance createdby Mr. LittleJean's team. Suspecting the Key is stolen, Adrian Vandenbergconfiscates it from Brian Cox and leaves. Immediately afterward, Seymour Casselcaptures and interrogates Brian Cox for the Key's location with a mind controlcollar and the flowy, yet still kind of sexy, summer dress of uncomfortablestares, before pursuing Adrian Vandenberg.

JerrySizemore and the Eternians release the kind of sexy Brian Cox from the collarbefore they go after Adrian Vandenberg. They manage to get hold of it inCharlie's store, but Bill Murray's forces catch up with them, and a pitcheddance number ensues. Seymour Cassel recovers the key and summons Bill Murray toEarth. Bill Murray's forces overwhelm the Eternians and Jerry Sizemore ismortally wounded by Bill Murray's lightning blast, simultaneously erasing thememory storage of Guggenhiem's Key. Rushmore surrenders to save his comrades,and is returned to Eternia as Bill Murray's slave. Bill Murray demands thatRushmore kneel before him for all of Eternia to witness, before he is killed.Rushmore refuses and is whipped by Dirk Calloway's laser whip in an attempt tomake him kneel. Rushmore has enjoyed himself too much and is still standingwhen the moon rises. Bill Murray absorbs the powers of the universe. Declaringhimself Bill Fucking Murray, Master of the Universe! Bill Murray asserts hisvictory and continues to torture Rushmore with energy blasts and modern countrymusic.

Back onEarth, Guggenheim repairs the Cosmic Key, and Brian Cox recreates the tonesnecessary to create a gateway to Eternia. The group, including AdrianVandenberg who attempts to arrest them, are transported to Castle Grayskull,where they begin battling Bill Murray's forces. Resenting that Bill Murray hasabsorbed the power of the Universe without sharing it with him, Seymour Casseldeserts him along with the other henchmen. Seymour is deeply pained by Bill FuckingMurray’s selfishness. Seymourhad been younger than Bill when they met at junior college, sure, but Bill hadalways shared his bed and his dreams with him. After all, had it not beenSeymour Cassel that had work to support them both while Bill studied for hisMasters in Universe Mastery? They didn’t have two pennies to rub together backin those days, but what they lacked in riches they made up with love. Sharing ahot bowl of mac and cheese and a blanket was all of the universe that they hadneeded back then. Conquering the universe had changed the man that SeymourCassel had loved. He knew Bill Murray but this Bill Fucking Murray was astranger to him. “Chin up, Seymour!” Seymour Cassel thought himself as hewalked away from the shadow of Castle Grayskull. His mother had been rightabout Bill the whole time.

Bill Murrayaccidentally frees Rushmore who then reclaims the Sword of Grayskull. The pair battleuntil Rushmore shatters Bill Murray's staff, removing his new powers andrestoring him to his normal state. Rushmore offers mercy but Bill Murray drawsa concealed sword and attempts to kill Rushmore; Rushmore manages to knock BillMurray from the throne room into a towering pit below. The freed SorceressRosemary heals Jerry Sizemore, and a portal is opened to send the Earthlingshome. Greeted as a hero for his bravery, Adrian Vandenberg decides to remain onEternia.

JerrySizemore awakens on the morning of his parents' deaths in a plane crash. Heprevents them from taking the ill-fated flight by taking their keys and runsoutside to find Brian Cox, who confirms that their experiences were real,producing a souvenir from Eternia: a small blue sphere containing a scene ofRushmore in front of Castle Grayskull with his sword raised above his head. Ina post-credits scene, Bill Murray's head emerges from the water at the bottomof the pit, saying "Mondays!"

Wes Andersonwent on the direct 7 more films before he left Hollywood to join his cousin Angry Andersonin Rose Tattoo on rhythm guitar. His other films didn’t amount to much butRushmore remains a haunting cautionary tale and classic example of documentaryfilm making.   

James Thurber once said, "Discussion in America means dissent."
Voltaire once said, "It is dangerous to be right in matters on which the established authorities are wrong."
And Howard Zinn once said, "Dissent is the highest form of patriotism."

Here at The Film Thugs we are not just firm believers in these principles. We are not content to stand behind these rights, no... we see these rights as a responsibility, and these quotes as a challenge.

So, in the spirit of revolutionaries like Voltaire, Jefferson, Thurber, and Roosevelt we present to you...

Double Negative with Chuck Dynasty and Yojimbo

“Don’t call it a comeback. I been here for years.” – James Todd Smith

This time we take a look at THE comeback story of a career! After the cinematic Ambien that was Seven Saumari, Akira Kurosawa comes roaring back with the mind-meltingly fantastic Yojimbo! I acknowledge that I gave Akira an entire metric ton of shit for his last movie but is all forgiven now. This is the kind of cinematic triumph that will make you fall to your knees and thank a thousand screaming monkey gods that you were born with functioning eyes and ears! Fuck you! Fuck you and your car if you don’t love this movie!

Truck driver and bare-knuckle fighter Yojoimbo lives in California’s beautiful San Fernando Valley with an orangutan named Clyde. His only other friends in the world are Orville Boggs, and his mother played by the adorable Ruth Buzzi. Oh, I could listen your homespun comedy wisdom all day, madam!

One night, after fighting an illegal immigrant with a claw-hammer, Yojimbo meets and falls in love with aspiring country music singer Lynn Halsey-Taylor at a local honky-tonk. Their love begins to bloom like the proverbial hot house flower until she disappears one night. The last Yojimbo sees of her is her truck and camper being driven away by Cecil McKittrick, Grand Magus of The Black Widow Motorcycle Club. Believing that his love can break any bonds that bind her in bondage, Yojimbo heads to her home in Denver, Colorado.

Along the road to Denver, he has a run-in with adepts of The Black Widows, who incur Yojimbo’s wrath after two gang members insult him and Clyde outside of a Howard Johnsons. Yojimbo hunts three of them down and skins them alive. He then repaints their motorcycles before selling to them for P2P and a copy of Uncle Fester’s Secrets of Methamphetamine Manufacture. YEOOWW! In the process of taking his revenge, our hero runs afoul of a LAPD cop named Goody Putnam. He fights Goody Putnam outside of the same honky-tonk that he met his lady love. Yojimbo punches straight through the cop’s skull keeping what left of Putnam’s brain as souvenir of his victory. Putnam dies. The remaining Widows learn of Yojimbo’s trip to Colorado, resurrect Goody Putnam with a heroic dose of sacred mescaline, and head off in high speed pursuit of their powerful foe.

Orville and Clyde accompany Yojimbo to Denver, and along the way, they meet a woman and aspiring seamstress Echo who becomes Orville's regular Saturday night thing. They earn money along the way by booking fights for Yojimbo and selling Cylde’s sexual expertise with his fingers. After a fight in a slaughterhouse in Crescent Junction all but a handful die with our heroes continuing their quest and the survivors relocating 28 miles to Cisco, Utah.

Cecil and The Black Widows know that Yomjimbo will come looking for aspiring county music singer Lynn Halsey-Taylor and lure him into a trap. Yojimbo catches up with aspiring country singer Lynn Halsey-Taylor finds himself surrounded by the Widows. Yojimbo puts the boots to many of the Black Widows medium style before Orville uses a garbage truck with a dumpster hoist to dumps all the motorcycles into the back of the truck. The Widows throw ninja stars and hexes at the garbage truck but Orville is an atheist and gets away with Yojimbo, Clyde, and Echo in tow.

Just outside of an Auto Zone, Yojimbo finally finds aspiring country singer Lynn Halsy-Taylor and she reveals her true form to him. She isn’t the aspiring country singer that he fell in love with at all but is in fact Cecil McKittrick, Grand Magus of The Black Widow Motorcycle Club. Hurt by her deception, Yojimbo knocks her/him out cold and whittles a spear from nearby Ash tree until aspiring country singer come Grand Magus wakes up. He points the spear at her/his heart and laments being the one guy dumb enough to not see that she had been a dude the whole time. He tells her/him that he suspected shenanigans during love-making when he spied the small black widow tattoo next to her cock. In a truly heartbreaking line Yomjimbo states, “I should have loved ya and left ya but instead I loved ya without the leaving ya part.” Lynn erupts in a fit of rage, striking him repeatedly until he stabs him/her in the heart. Before she/he dies she/he gives him an amulet with a portrait of 17^th century French faublist Jean de La Fontaine on it and then explodes. For Yojimbo, only black smoke and heartbreak remain.

Orville learns that a Hungarian named Tank Murdock lives next door to the Auto Zone is ready to retire after one more fight. Orville makes the arrangements, and Yojimbo faces his mentor that hasn’t been mentioned at all until now. During the fight, the crowd, initially pro-Murdock, begins to insult him, with some murmurs that Yojimbo is going to be the next Murdock. Yojimbo lets his guard down, intentionally giving Murdock a clear shot before smashing the enchanted Jean de La Fontaine amulet to the ground which transforms Yojimbo into a 1600 lb. grizzly bear known to the gathered Inuit locals as “La Fontaine”. Yojimbo La Fontaine mauls his opponent to death in seconds. The crowd disperses as the were-bear stomps his enemy’s remains into a pink and black goo in the Auto Zone parking lot.

Two towns over Yojimbo regains his human form and has Cylde kill another retired fighter for a chicken sandwich. Yojimbo, Clyde, Orville and Echo head for home the next day. The last shot of the movie has Zombie Goody Putnam shuffling miles behind our heroes to the sweet sounds of Eddie Rabbitt’s Every Which Way But Loose.

Does that movie sound like seven odd fucks boring people to death in Japan? Hell no! Kurosawa moved to the U.S. to find a whole sack full of red, white, and blue to kick the viewer’s ass and, on behalf of a grateful nation, I’m proud to call him one of us! His shot composition - flawless. His use of the color brown - masterful. His skillful direction of honkies ­- fabulous. The brave choice of English, over the click-clack nonsense that passes for language anywhere else, make this an American classic. Unfuck yourself and your car and see this movie! ANGEL DUUUUST!!!

James Thurber once said, "Discussion in America means dissent."
Voltaire once said, "It is dangerous to be right in matters on which the established authorities are wrong."
And Howard Zinn once said, "Dissent is the highest form of patriotism."

Here at The Film Thugs we are not just firm believers in these principles. We are not content to stand behind these rights, no... we see these rights as a responsibility, and these quotes as a challenge.

So, in the spirit of revolutionaries like Voltaire, Jefferson, Thurber, and Roosevelt we present to you...

Double Negative with Chuck Dynasty and Seven Samurai

Hello, dumb dumbs! This week’s negativity is Seven Samurai and it’s no damn good.

The terms master and masterpiece get thrown around a lot when people who can’t work a real man’s job are discussing Akira Kurosawa’s Seven Samurai but after seeing it I couldn’t tell you why. Sure the guy can take a pretty picture but what’s the big deal?

From IMBD: “A samurai answers a villager’s request for protection from bandits, so the samurai gathers six others to help him teach the people how to defend themselves, and the villagers provide the soldiers with food. A giant battle occurs when 40 bandits attack the village.” Does that sound like a “masterpiece” that will take 207 minutes to tell?

 Fuck. No.

 Don’t get me wrong, most of these samurai guys seem ok. When they all aren’t walking and talking me into an afternoon nap, but they seem like affable chaps. I’m all for them helping the little guys even if the little guys, in this case, are hiding food, booze, and weapons from the very people they are dependent on for their own survival. It’s totally cool, jerks. By the by, these aggies didn’t even shop around. They came across the first swinging samurai dick that didn’t show his ass. “Here! Here! Just take our rice dollars! Save our lives!” What if he was working you fools? What was your plan B if this didn’t work out? You all did consider just giving up and killing yourselves earlier before finding someone else to fight your battles for you, so I guess that’s always an option, “men”.

I say MOST of these samurai guys seem ok because not ALL of them are ok. Lets’ take a look at Big Sword. May I call you Big Sword? Great. Big Sword is a fucking goof. I would have caught his character name earlier but a Buzzfeed quiz came up on Facebook. (Which Sneaky That’s So Raven Disguise Are You? The mariachi? That’s SO me!) We all get it, Big Sword. If you were shooting to make sure that we can all see you emote from space, your aim was true. “The farmers are all dicky liars because you mean old samurai treated them poorly.” Wahhh! “My parents were killed in a river.” Wahhh! Wahhh! “I was an orphan left in that river while my dead parents floated next to me and I’m at odds with myself.” Wahhh! Wahhh! Wahhh! Bravo, cupcake. Now turn it down!

I’m sleeping here! If that wasn’t bad enough, you just had to go and try to be the hero, didn’t you? Time to deal with the painful truth, Bigs. That badass master samurai you saw kill that chump earlier in Samurai-burg, he’s the real hero. He is selfless and skilled and brave and patient and wise and and and…wait for it…FUCKING QUIET when he nabs some guns from the baddies! You, trying to do the same, almost got everyone killed! “Look, chums. I’ve absconded with a musket from yon hooligans to aid in our campaign. Of course I courted our collective devastation in the process but at least I got some much needed attention. Did I mention how mean your kind are to farmers?” Stop it. Why not try and shoot some of those assholes you stole it from, rather than scowling and laughing at inappropriate times?

That’s right, guns. Big Sword and Master Badass steal three guns from the bandits between them. This brings the firepower of the seven to exactly…sweet fuck all because they never use them! Why don’t they use the guns? Why are we counting on an entire village of pussies with bamboo spears to pull this off? How will these townies pull anything off? It took seven out of town strangers to come up with the idea of building a wall. Maybe this town deserves to be raided. (Dude, this pug on Instagram is fucking cute!)

Meanwhile, sometime between nodding off and looking at my phone, the young samurai wannabe bangs the last of-age girl in town, her dad gets mad about it for a hot minute, and we all stare at each other. So it goes. The good guys pick off the bad guys one by one and two by two until a big final battle happens in the rain. Biggity bang, the completely unknown bandits are defeated and everyone is free to make terrible music in the rice fields again. Super.

We end our sleep study with the lead samurai, Kambei Shimura (I was awake then), staring off in the distance at random points throughout town before making his way to watch the clang bang dang version of So You Think You Can Farm being put on by the villagers. Kambei’s last line “The farmers have won. Not us.” is delivered in front of the burial mounds of his fallen comrades. A giant sword is planted in the mound on the far right of the frame. And scene, Big Sword.

Kurosawa’s Seven Samurai is said to have inspired hundreds of other filmmakers to remake and reinvent its classic tale of conflict and honor. It’s considered a masterpiece from a master (there are those words again) who created timeless cinematic beauty with this film. Bullshit. It’s three plus boob- free hours of yap and melodrama with poorly shot action tacked to its ass. Sure it looks nice but so does Sgt. Kabukiman NYPD and it’s only half as long.

Just saying.

Dynasty OUT!