The Film Thugs Movie Show

Ok, I watched two movies tonight starring actors I have a troubled history with. I really, really want to like John Travolta, and I really do like Jodie Foster and am tired of seeing terrible things happen to her for my entertainment. Neither of those issues were resolved tonight.

For starters I saw "From Paris With Love," which features not only a baffling title and a strangely unnecessary "Pulp Fiction," Royale with Cheese reference (by the by in Paris it is called a Royal Cheese, not a Royale with Cheese, come on DAMN IT!), but John Rhys Meyers doing the impossible by sporting worse facial hair than me.

I kind of pull for Travolta because he kind of reminds me of Burt Reynolds, only less creepy and unlikeable. You see Travolta remains famous despite the fact that (to paraphrase Robert Wuhl, God help me) that he has appeared in so many bad movies that if someone else makes a bad movie they have to pay him a royalty. He seems like a good guy who can't say no to his agent, and his agent is a very dumb child.

This movie wasn't terrible, it just wasn't very good. Travolta plays a bad ass special forces type agent who has a short amount of time to... Well, he shoots some Chinese people, and some guys who have cocaine, and somehow stumbles on a plot to bomb a... it really doesn't matter, does it?

The problem I had was that I just didn't really buy Travolta in the role. It was interesting and all that, put together well, and there was a lot of stuff going on, but it really felt like John saw a big paycheck and that was it. It's not bad if you're looking for something to have on while you drink yourself stupid, like I did tonight.

Oh, and on the subject of Rhys Meyers, whenever I see him all I can think of is the time my friend Ken tried to describe a movie he was in where, "Clive Owen plays this guy, and someone boofs his brother and he comes to town and kills them. I think it was called, 'Don't Boof My Brother Or I'll Kill you.'" The movie was actually, "I'll Sleep When I'm Dead," but Rhys Meyers does get Boofed, and that is all I see him as.

(Apologies to anyone who has been Boofed and doesn't appreciate that comment.)

The second was "The Brave One." As I've said, I like Jodie Foster quite a bit, and somewhere between "Taxi Driver," and "The Accused," I kind of had my fill of bad things happening to her. I was told that in this movie she does all the killing, and it's awesome and all that.

Something bad does happen to her in this though, she appeared in it. This is a very typical Hollywood revenge film. Someone has something bad happen to them and they decide to arm themselves for defense. From that point on everywhere that person goes a terrible crime occurs that leaves them no choice but to start throwing lead and dropping fools.

This felt like "Death Wish," but more PC. I really wanted to like it, I just didn't.

I would have though that all the beer I had tonight would have made these films more bearable. It did not.