James Thurber once said, "Discussion in America means dissent."
Voltaire once said, "It is dangerous to be right in matters on which the established authorities are wrong."
And Howard Zinn once said, "Dissent is the highest form of patriotism."

Here at The Film Thugs we are not just firm believers in these principles. We are not content to stand behind these rights, no... we see these rights as a responsibility, and these quotes as a challenge.

So, in the spirit of revolutionaries like Voltaire, Jefferson, Thurber, and Roosevelt we present to you...

Double Negative with Chuck Dynasty and Yojimbo

“Don’t call it a comeback. I been here for years.” – James Todd Smith

This time we take a look at THE comeback story of a career! After the cinematic Ambien that was Seven Saumari, Akira Kurosawa comes roaring back with the mind-meltingly fantastic Yojimbo! I acknowledge that I gave Akira an entire metric ton of shit for his last movie but is all forgiven now. This is the kind of cinematic triumph that will make you fall to your knees and thank a thousand screaming monkey gods that you were born with functioning eyes and ears! Fuck you! Fuck you and your car if you don’t love this movie!

Truck driver and bare-knuckle fighter Yojoimbo lives in California’s beautiful San Fernando Valley with an orangutan named Clyde. His only other friends in the world are Orville Boggs, and his mother played by the adorable Ruth Buzzi. Oh, I could listen your homespun comedy wisdom all day, madam!

One night, after fighting an illegal immigrant with a claw-hammer, Yojimbo meets and falls in love with aspiring country music singer Lynn Halsey-Taylor at a local honky-tonk. Their love begins to bloom like the proverbial hot house flower until she disappears one night. The last Yojimbo sees of her is her truck and camper being driven away by Cecil McKittrick, Grand Magus of The Black Widow Motorcycle Club. Believing that his love can break any bonds that bind her in bondage, Yojimbo heads to her home in Denver, Colorado.

Along the road to Denver, he has a run-in with adepts of The Black Widows, who incur Yojimbo’s wrath after two gang members insult him and Clyde outside of a Howard Johnsons. Yojimbo hunts three of them down and skins them alive. He then repaints their motorcycles before selling to them for P2P and a copy of Uncle Fester’s Secrets of Methamphetamine Manufacture. YEOOWW! In the process of taking his revenge, our hero runs afoul of a LAPD cop named Goody Putnam. He fights Goody Putnam outside of the same honky-tonk that he met his lady love. Yojimbo punches straight through the cop’s skull keeping what left of Putnam’s brain as souvenir of his victory. Putnam dies. The remaining Widows learn of Yojimbo’s trip to Colorado, resurrect Goody Putnam with a heroic dose of sacred mescaline, and head off in high speed pursuit of their powerful foe.

Orville and Clyde accompany Yojimbo to Denver, and along the way, they meet a woman and aspiring seamstress Echo who becomes Orville's regular Saturday night thing. They earn money along the way by booking fights for Yojimbo and selling Cylde’s sexual expertise with his fingers. After a fight in a slaughterhouse in Crescent Junction all but a handful die with our heroes continuing their quest and the survivors relocating 28 miles to Cisco, Utah.

Cecil and The Black Widows know that Yomjimbo will come looking for aspiring county music singer Lynn Halsey-Taylor and lure him into a trap. Yojimbo catches up with aspiring country singer Lynn Halsey-Taylor finds himself surrounded by the Widows. Yojimbo puts the boots to many of the Black Widows medium style before Orville uses a garbage truck with a dumpster hoist to dumps all the motorcycles into the back of the truck. The Widows throw ninja stars and hexes at the garbage truck but Orville is an atheist and gets away with Yojimbo, Clyde, and Echo in tow.

Just outside of an Auto Zone, Yojimbo finally finds aspiring country singer Lynn Halsy-Taylor and she reveals her true form to him. She isn’t the aspiring country singer that he fell in love with at all but is in fact Cecil McKittrick, Grand Magus of The Black Widow Motorcycle Club. Hurt by her deception, Yojimbo knocks her/him out cold and whittles a spear from nearby Ash tree until aspiring country singer come Grand Magus wakes up. He points the spear at her/his heart and laments being the one guy dumb enough to not see that she had been a dude the whole time. He tells her/him that he suspected shenanigans during love-making when he spied the small black widow tattoo next to her cock. In a truly heartbreaking line Yomjimbo states, “I should have loved ya and left ya but instead I loved ya without the leaving ya part.” Lynn erupts in a fit of rage, striking him repeatedly until he stabs him/her in the heart. Before she/he dies she/he gives him an amulet with a portrait of 17^th century French faublist Jean de La Fontaine on it and then explodes. For Yojimbo, only black smoke and heartbreak remain.

Orville learns that a Hungarian named Tank Murdock lives next door to the Auto Zone is ready to retire after one more fight. Orville makes the arrangements, and Yojimbo faces his mentor that hasn’t been mentioned at all until now. During the fight, the crowd, initially pro-Murdock, begins to insult him, with some murmurs that Yojimbo is going to be the next Murdock. Yojimbo lets his guard down, intentionally giving Murdock a clear shot before smashing the enchanted Jean de La Fontaine amulet to the ground which transforms Yojimbo into a 1600 lb. grizzly bear known to the gathered Inuit locals as “La Fontaine”. Yojimbo La Fontaine mauls his opponent to death in seconds. The crowd disperses as the were-bear stomps his enemy’s remains into a pink and black goo in the Auto Zone parking lot.

Two towns over Yojimbo regains his human form and has Cylde kill another retired fighter for a chicken sandwich. Yojimbo, Clyde, Orville and Echo head for home the next day. The last shot of the movie has Zombie Goody Putnam shuffling miles behind our heroes to the sweet sounds of Eddie Rabbitt’s Every Which Way But Loose.

Does that movie sound like seven odd fucks boring people to death in Japan? Hell no! Kurosawa moved to the U.S. to find a whole sack full of red, white, and blue to kick the viewer’s ass and, on behalf of a grateful nation, I’m proud to call him one of us! His shot composition - flawless. His use of the color brown - masterful. His skillful direction of honkies ­- fabulous. The brave choice of English, over the click-clack nonsense that passes for language anywhere else, make this an American classic. Unfuck yourself and your car and see this movie! ANGEL DUUUUST!!!

The Criterion Collection, the last vestige of truly collectible DVD and Blu-Ray movies in existence. These are well produced, fancy pants editions of important and interesting films for the discerning film lover.

We continue our journey through Jim's collection of movies with...

Week 5:

The Killer

Spine Number: 8

Director: John Woo

Genre: Hong Kong Action

There was a time when I thought America knew how to make an action movie. We had some great one, really we did. Little did I know that on the other side of the world there was a group of insane visionaries who were churning out some of the most amazing, gorgeous, violent works of cinema imaginable. Names like Woo, Lam, Hark, Chan, Li, Jing, and Fat were working on movies that would, for a certain group of filmmakers and film lovers, define the aesthetic of what action/crime movie would soon become.

They were The Beatles for a generation of filmmakers. You might not know or like their music, but your favorite band... they do. Or your favorite band's favorite band. In some way the work that was don in Hong Kong in the mid to late 80's and into the 90's is a fundamental part of the DNA of modern American film making. You like Reservoir Dogs and Pulp Fiction? Then you like Ringo Lam and John Woo. You like El Mariachi and Desperado? Then you like John Woo and Tsui Hark.

If you knew about these movies and people before... congratulations, you're one of us. You had a local video store that wasn't a Blockbuster of Hollywood Video that was a huge part of your life. You knew the satisfaction of watching a hard core bootlegged video that still had the "play" and "record" graphics on the beginning of it. You have watched movies that had ads for soy sauce and karaoke machines instead of previews. You were there, man!

So, join us in our first of two weeks of exploring the wonder of John Woo and the video store culture that is so sorely lacking from today's landscape.

And join us next week for some totally over the top, ape scat action that you are not ready for!

Next week:

Spine Number 9: John Woo's "Hard Boiled"

Also, check this out.

http://fantasymovieleague.com/
Looks like Summer Movie League has officially become Fantasy Movie League.
It looks quite fun. Here's how it works.
You have an 8 screen theater.
Every week you pick movies and have a budget/salary cap you have to stay under.
Then you compete against other theaters in your league.
It's fantasy football for movie people.

Our league is Film Thugs 2015 and the password is Porterhouse.

And remember, you can be a part of the show any time you wild like. How's that? All you have to do is call or e-mail us. If you live in the US, or any place that makes calling the US easy, just dial 512-666-RANT and leave us a voicemail. We will read the Google Voice transcript and play your message. It's both funny AND informative.

If you live outside the US you can call us on Skype at The_Film_Thugs. You can leave a message, or someone might actually answer.

E-mail us at thefilmthugs@gmail.com and we will read/play whatever you send us, or you can e-mail thugquestions@gmail.com to be part of  an upcoming "Ask the Film Thugs" show, where we answer questions on any subject without having heard them first.

Also, we are on twitter @thefilmthugs and on Facebook and Vine.

You can also click on one of our sponsor links below and THEY will pay us. That's right. You won't have to pay a PENNY extra, and Amazon/Onnit/Teefury will give us a little taste.

Also, be sure to check back often for our new endeavor The Life Masters, where we answer questions to other advice columnists.

Thanks for listening, and until next week...

Jim out.

The Criterion Collection, the last vestige of truly collectable DVD and Blu-Ray movies in existence. These are well produced, fancy pants editions of important and interesting films for the discerning film lover.

We continue our journey through Jim's collection of movies with...

Week 3:

The Lady Vanishes

Spine Number: 3

Director: Alfred Hitchcock

Genre: It's Alfred Goddamned Hitchcock!

The Master of Suspense. That's a hell of a label to throw on a person. I mean... The Master of Suspense? Think about it. That's like when they call Wayne Gretzky "The Great One." There is no attempt to mince words here. Hitchcock is the man. There really is no debating this, at least not with Jim...

Yes, that is a real tattoo.

The Lady Vanishes was one of Hitchcock's last films before moving to Hollywood and becoming Alfred Hitchcock. It was a huge hit and laid the foundation for the type of filmmaker Hitch would become. He set the standard and has yet to be surpassed.

So join us on our Hitchcockian journey through "The Lady Vanishes."

Next week:

Spine Number 5: Francois Truffaut's The 400 Blows

Also, check this out.

http://fantasymovieleague.com/
Looks like Summer Movie League has officially become Fantasy Movie League.
It looks quite fun. Here's how it works.
You have an 8 screen theater.
Every week you pick movies and have a budget/salary cap you have to stay under.
Then you compete against other theaters in your league.
It's fantasy football for movie people.

James Thurber once said, "Discussion in America means dissent."
Voltaire once said, "It is dangerous to be right in matters on which the established authorities are wrong."
And Howard Zinn once said, "Dissent is the highest form of patriotism."

Here at The Film Thugs we are not just firm believers in these principles. We are not content to stand behind these rights, no... we see these rights as a responsibility, and these quotes as a challenge.

So, in the spirit of revolutionaries like Voltaire, Jefferson, Thurber, and Roosevelt we present to you...

Double Negative with Chuck Dynasty and Seven Samurai

Hello, dumb dumbs! This week’s negativity is Seven Samurai and it’s no damn good.

The terms master and masterpiece get thrown around a lot when people who can’t work a real man’s job are discussing Akira Kurosawa’s Seven Samurai but after seeing it I couldn’t tell you why. Sure the guy can take a pretty picture but what’s the big deal?

From IMBD: “A samurai answers a villager’s request for protection from bandits, so the samurai gathers six others to help him teach the people how to defend themselves, and the villagers provide the soldiers with food. A giant battle occurs when 40 bandits attack the village.” Does that sound like a “masterpiece” that will take 207 minutes to tell?

 Fuck. No.

 Don’t get me wrong, most of these samurai guys seem ok. When they all aren’t walking and talking me into an afternoon nap, but they seem like affable chaps. I’m all for them helping the little guys even if the little guys, in this case, are hiding food, booze, and weapons from the very people they are dependent on for their own survival. It’s totally cool, jerks. By the by, these aggies didn’t even shop around. They came across the first swinging samurai dick that didn’t show his ass. “Here! Here! Just take our rice dollars! Save our lives!” What if he was working you fools? What was your plan B if this didn’t work out? You all did consider just giving up and killing yourselves earlier before finding someone else to fight your battles for you, so I guess that’s always an option, “men”.

I say MOST of these samurai guys seem ok because not ALL of them are ok. Lets’ take a look at Big Sword. May I call you Big Sword? Great. Big Sword is a fucking goof. I would have caught his character name earlier but a Buzzfeed quiz came up on Facebook. (Which Sneaky That’s So Raven Disguise Are You? The mariachi? That’s SO me!) We all get it, Big Sword. If you were shooting to make sure that we can all see you emote from space, your aim was true. “The farmers are all dicky liars because you mean old samurai treated them poorly.” Wahhh! “My parents were killed in a river.” Wahhh! Wahhh! “I was an orphan left in that river while my dead parents floated next to me and I’m at odds with myself.” Wahhh! Wahhh! Wahhh! Bravo, cupcake. Now turn it down!

I’m sleeping here! If that wasn’t bad enough, you just had to go and try to be the hero, didn’t you? Time to deal with the painful truth, Bigs. That badass master samurai you saw kill that chump earlier in Samurai-burg, he’s the real hero. He is selfless and skilled and brave and patient and wise and and and…wait for it…FUCKING QUIET when he nabs some guns from the baddies! You, trying to do the same, almost got everyone killed! “Look, chums. I’ve absconded with a musket from yon hooligans to aid in our campaign. Of course I courted our collective devastation in the process but at least I got some much needed attention. Did I mention how mean your kind are to farmers?” Stop it. Why not try and shoot some of those assholes you stole it from, rather than scowling and laughing at inappropriate times?

That’s right, guns. Big Sword and Master Badass steal three guns from the bandits between them. This brings the firepower of the seven to exactly…sweet fuck all because they never use them! Why don’t they use the guns? Why are we counting on an entire village of pussies with bamboo spears to pull this off? How will these townies pull anything off? It took seven out of town strangers to come up with the idea of building a wall. Maybe this town deserves to be raided. (Dude, this pug on Instagram is fucking cute!)

Meanwhile, sometime between nodding off and looking at my phone, the young samurai wannabe bangs the last of-age girl in town, her dad gets mad about it for a hot minute, and we all stare at each other. So it goes. The good guys pick off the bad guys one by one and two by two until a big final battle happens in the rain. Biggity bang, the completely unknown bandits are defeated and everyone is free to make terrible music in the rice fields again. Super.

We end our sleep study with the lead samurai, Kambei Shimura (I was awake then), staring off in the distance at random points throughout town before making his way to watch the clang bang dang version of So You Think You Can Farm being put on by the villagers. Kambei’s last line “The farmers have won. Not us.” is delivered in front of the burial mounds of his fallen comrades. A giant sword is planted in the mound on the far right of the frame. And scene, Big Sword.

Kurosawa’s Seven Samurai is said to have inspired hundreds of other filmmakers to remake and reinvent its classic tale of conflict and honor. It’s considered a masterpiece from a master (there are those words again) who created timeless cinematic beauty with this film. Bullshit. It’s three plus boob- free hours of yap and melodrama with poorly shot action tacked to its ass. Sure it looks nice but so does Sgt. Kabukiman NYPD and it’s only half as long.

Just saying.

Dynasty OUT!

This week we finally decided to get down to business and talk about what we said we were going to talk about last week. In retrospect it only seems appropriate considering the topic.

Normally, filmmakers jump on the sequel train right away. If a movie performs it is always best to strike while the iron is hot, right?

Well, not always.
This week we discuss the sequels that took their sweet time. Some took a decade, some took nearly sixty years, but they all happened.
So, join us as we discuss everything from the amazing character and story driven masterpieces to the embarrassing cash grabs that ignore the point of the original so much that the word "sequel" only applies to the name.

Also, check this out.

http://fantasymovieleague.com/
Looks like Summer Movie League has officially become Fantasy Movie League.
It looks quite fun. Here's how it works.
You have an 8 screen theater.
Every week you pick movies and have a budget/salary cap you have to stay under.
Then you compete against other theaters in your league.
It's fantasy football for movie people.